Trapped in Equestria
by Gnorcteen
Summary: A sabotaged fork in the road leads to some interesting consquences for 6 of the 9 classes. Rated T because I feel like it. This story is meant to be bad. I just published it for no reason.


**Trapped in Equestria**

fanfic by: Gnorcteen

After their mobile unit crashed into a brick wall, thanks to Saxton Hale thinking it would be okay to start a demolition derby with it, Red Team was traveling through a swamp on their way to Lakeside. "Yo Bowl-Head, I think we're lost." said Scout, wielding his trademark Sandman.

"Negatory!" replied the Soldier, "After Saxton crashed our vehicle; he tossed us this map and told us to, 'Mann up, and go for a hike. You ladies could use the exercise, especially you, fatty.'" Soldier pointed to Heavy, as the big mercenary held his beloved Minigun, Sasha. Soldier took out and opened the map again to make sure they remained on course.

Meanwhile, about a half-a-mile away, a blu scout saw the team of red approaching. He back-tracked to a fork in the road with 2 signs, one pointing left and saying, "Dead End", and the other pointed right and said, "Lakeside KOTH." Taking advantage of improving his team's odds, the blu Scout took a magic marker, flipped the signs, and wrote on them the opposite areas to where they were pointing. "Ha, this'll really rustle their jimmies." said the blue-clad baseball player, and he took the path that now said, "Dead End."

Red team approached the fork. Red Soldier took notice at the signs, then looked at the map. "This isn't right. Some numbnut must've tampered with the signs."

"I don't know, Soldier, I do not trust Saxton's cartography skills either. Perhaps he was thee one that made ze error." said the Spy.

"Yes, Spy must be right. Niet way Hale would be able to draw good map." backed up the Heavy.

"I say that I'm right, and that we should take the path on the right! It's easier to tamper with signs than to tamper with a map." exclaimed Soldier.

"Fine then, we shall zee who is correct. We shall each take a path. I shall trust thee zigns, and you shall trust thee map." pitched Spy.

"And what about us?" asked Sniper.

Soldier replied, "Simple, you'll choose either the correct path," pointing at himself, "or the path that obviously leads to nowhere." pointing at Spy.

The teams then split into groups on who they thought was correct. Spy had gained the followers: Heavy, Scout, Engineer, Sniper, and Pyro; and Soldier had gained: Medic and Demoman.

"Well, I see we're going to fail this match then!" exclaimed Soldier with his weak team of 3.

"I assure you, we will be winning." replied the Spy, "Gentlemen, let us move!" and Spy's team moved down the marked, "Lakeside KOTH."

"As for you two pumkins, MOVE FORWARD!" and Soldier's team moved down the path marked, "Dead End, you Dopes."

* * *

1 hour had passed when the team of 6 had reached a dead end consisting of bramble, vines, leaves, and shrubs. "Maybe Soldier was right?" suggested Heavy. Spy, refusing to be wrong said, "Nonsense, this is just a coincidence. Sniper, your Kukri?"

"Roight!" replied the bushman, and then he pulled out his blade and started slashing through the foliage. After about ten minutes of cutting, Sniper had cut all the way through the plants and wood. "You owe me big time for dullin up moi blade, Frenchman!"

"Believe me, this will pay off when we rub it into Soldier's plank face." replied Spy with a grin on his face.

After 20 minutes of walking through swamp and scum, the 6 had made it out of the morass. "Where is battlefield?" asked Heavy, scratching his head.

"Yeah Frenchy, where is it?" backed up the Scout. The team had arrived in a lush, green grassy field that almost seemed glowing. "Is it not obvious? We still have a short walk to go."

"MMmmmphmphmmph!" exclaimed Pyro.

"No need for such harsh talk yet, my mumbling friend, save it for when we taste victory against Blu." said Spy. The team walked for another hour, until they finally saw civilization. However, this was not Lakeside. This place had more of a whimsical feel to it. There were thatched houses and places that looked like a little girl's dream world. "Okay France, where have you dun-taken us?!" asked the Engineer with anger in his voice.

Spy gave up hope and said, "I do believe the Soldier was right." The team got a better view of the village, and the inhabitants were not human at all. Instead, there were technicolored ponies with marks on most of their flanks. But, it was not just ponies; there were also Pegasi and Unicorns. "Okay, I'm startin to get freakin scared here!" Scout said. Pyro just stared at the village making muffled swooning noises.

"These ponies are pretty!" shouted Heavy, getting the attention of many of them. After about 20 seconds of awkward stares and silence, a small white unicorn with green eyes, pink and light-purple mane, and no flank mark, shouted, "Monsters!" and ran inside the nearest building. The stares continued until a purple unicorn, with a dark purple mane and sparkle flank mark, came up to them and eyed the Sniper in examination. "Who are you six?!"

Sniper replied, "A better question is, 'Where are we, Sheila?!'"

The unicorn responded, "Okay, first off, my name is Twilight Sparkle, second, you're in Ponyville, Equestria, and third, you still need to answer my question."

"Pardon me, Sniper, I'll do the talking." said Spy, pushing himself past Sniper, "Ahem, we are 6 mercenaries who have become lost and would like direction to the Lakeside battlefield."

Twilight Sparkle held her mouth open, and used her magic to transform Spy into a Crab. "You're what?!" she transformed him back to normal.

"You think you can help us?" asked Heavy.

"I've got a better idea." said Twilight. She used her magic to pull out a quill and paper, and started writing. The team just stared as she did it, and when she was finished, she called out, "Spike!" A small purple dragon, with a green spine, came out, and blew flames onto the paper. He then rushed back inside. "What was the point of that, Betty?" asked Scout. Just then, male pegasi in heavy armor came one-by-one, and grabbed each of the warriors, 2 carrying Heavy, and flew into the sky northward.

The armored pegasi flew the classes into a large castle, and into the throne room, dropping them on their stomachs. "Well, that was a disappointment." said Spy, dusting himself off.

"This all your fault, Spy!" shouted Heavy, and just as he was about to launch a fist, a loud woman's voice said, "That is enough!" The team turned their heads, and on the throne was a white Alicorn with a broad gold necklace, long horn, gold tiara, and a sun mark on her flank. She then spoke again, "What were you six doing in Ponyville!"

Just as Spy was about to speak, Pyro pushed him aside, made a sound that appeared to be clearing his throat, and said, "Mmmphffmmmmmmphphmphmffmph. Hudda-hudda-hudda, mph-mrmr-mm-mr. MM, mm mph-mph-mff?"

The Alicorn replied, I am Princess Celestia, and your story seems legit, but you all disturbed the peace. I will have to discuss whether a punishment is in order with my sister, Princess Luna, and a close friend of mine, Princess Cadence. Until then…" Celestia tapped her front-right hoof to the floor, and the armored pegasi returned, and flew the 6 to the dungeon, Heavy crying for his mommy.

* * *

The dungeon was dark and cold. The only source of light was the torches illuminating the halls. Each of the 6 was in their own separate cells, passing time with whatever they could find to do. The dungeon entrance opened, and 6 ponies walked in. One was Twilight Sparkle, and the others appeared to be her friends. Twilight entered the Sniper's cell and said, "The Princess ordered us to keep you company, and maybe get more information out of you on why you're here."

"Kroiky, didn't we already tell you everything?" asked the Sniper.

"We'll see… we'll see." replied Twilight.

A white unicorn, with diamonds for a flank mark and purple mane, entered the Spy's cell. "Hello, my name is Rarity, and this place is filthy." she stated.

"I must agree. I prefer to keep in clean condition myself." Spy responded, straightening his neck-tie.

A blue Pegasus, with a rainbow mane and lightning flank mark, entered Scout's cell. "Alright, the name's Rainbow Dash. What are you doing here and…" she looked at the drink Scout was enjoying, "… uh, what is that?"

Scout smiled and replied, "BONK! Atomic Punch. Best damn drink that ever hit the east side of the USA. You wanna sip?" Rainbow Dash smiled and nodded swiftly. Scout took out another can and gave it to her. The 2 toasted and began drinking.

A light-brown pony, with red apples for a flank mark, blond mane, and cowgirl hat, walked into Engineer's cell. "Howdy, mah name's Applejack. What's that fancy toy you got there?"

Engineer was driving a small RC Tank. He then replied, "Just a lil' ol' number designed and built by me. Care to give 'er a test run?" He handed the remote to Applejack, and she began to fiddle around with its controls.

A bright-yellow Pegasus, with bright-pink mane, wide-eyes, and a flank mark of butterflies, went into Heavy's cell. When he stood up, she backed into a corner, and went into a feeble position. Heavy's face turned grim and said, "Did I scare you? Heavy is sorry. I remember being like you, a coward in the face of something very big and scary."

"Really?" the pegasus asked.

"Dah, then parents send me to a camp for training future mercenaries. I was still coward, and wanted to go home." replied Heavy.

"What happened then?" she asked.

"Well, it was halfway through first of 3 terms in camp. It was snowing outside at night. There was small bird on fence, singing, minding own business." Heavy continued.

"What happened to the bird?"

Heavy responded, "As I was watching it, tough guy of camp pulled out sling-shot, took rock, and fired it at bird, knocking it out." a tear came to Heavy's eye, "I picked up the bird, listening to its last peeps. Then, it stopped breathing. Then I toughened up from that day forward, promising to avenge bird's death." The pegasus was weeping a little bit, then Heavy put her on his lap and stroked her gently. "There there, little… err, what is name?"

The Pegasus squealed what sounded like, "Fluttershy."

Heavy continued, calming her down. "Is okay, Fluttershy, is okay."

Pyro was the last to get a visitor. A pink pony, with dark-pink mane and a balloons flank mark, entered his cell, bouncing. "Hi, I'm Pinkie Pie! What do you like to do for fun, Mr. Pyro?!"

"Mmm-mmmmmm-phmhf." replied Pyro.

"Really? ME TOO!" replied Pinkie.

Pyro put his fists in the air and shouted as if he were celebrating, then opened his hands and put them palm out in front of him. Pinkie did the same, but with her hoofs, and they both started playing Patty-Cake.

Back in Sniper's cell, he was telling Twilight about his life. "So you really live in a van?" asked Twilight.

"Yup, Snoipin's a good job, mate, but moi parents obviously don't approve. So I abandoned them against their will, and took it up as moi calling." replied Sniper.

"Isn't killing illegal, though?" asked Twilight.

"Not if the other team and you are able to respawn." responded Sniper.

"I see…" Twilight said.

In Spy's cell, he and Rarity were discussing the finer things and what can be improved. "And then, right after I sapped his precious building, I left a note stating what he can do better next time. When he did so, I still sapped his buildings." the Spy story-told.

Rarity snickered and said, "Darling, you are indeed a clever one."

Spy responded, "Yes, but it is not as fun when they don't take my advice. Ah well, destruction is a cruel mistress at times, but it always ends up the same, in a pile of scrap metal.

"Amen!" exclaimed Rarity.

In Scout's cell, there were 6 empty cans of BONK! on the floor. Rainbow Dash was telling her greatest achievements in fast forward while Scout was jittering with caffeine as well. Rainbow Dash then quickly said, "Can I have another can of that stuff?!"

"Can't! I'm all out!" the Scout replied with great speed. The two just immediately started laughing as the caffeine was rushing through their bodies.

In Engineer's cell, Applejack was creating her very first Engi building. "… and if you just tighten that coil…" Applejack then created a lamp out of scrap that came from a Dispenser he had built. "Well done Tex… err… Lady-Tex." He shot a thumb in the air.

"Much Obliged!" responded Applejack.

In Heavy's cell, he and Fluttershy were discussing their worst fears. "And that is why I don't like Iron Will anymore." said Fluttershy.

"Is also same reason I fear Gorillas." said Heavy.

In Pyro's cell, the two were still playing Patty-Cake with no end. "Hey, do you like parties?" asked Pinkie.

"Mmhm." replied Pyro.

* * *

The Dungeon doors opened, and one of the guards said, "The Princess will see all of you now!" The 6 classes got out of their cells with their newly-made companions, and exited the dungeon. When the 12 got to their throne room, Celestia immediately said, "We have come to a conclusion on your outcomes. First off, do you like bananas?"

The 6 in fear, nodded their heads.

The princess smiled devilishly, pressed a button, and the floor opened up beneath them, and a cannon rose up with them in it. She then said, "Good, cause you're about to go bananas… ON THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON!"

Heavy shouted for help while the others tried to escape. Then, just as Celestia was about to launch them, Fluttershy flew in and said, "Um, Princess?"

Celestia paused and said, "Yes, Fluttershy?"

Fluttershy continued, "Actually, do you think you could, um, not shoot them to the moon?

Twilight stepped in and said, "I agree with Fluttershy, Princess. As your student, I can say that I learned a lot from just one of these guys. Imagine how much more I can learn from them."

Pinkie Pie bounced in and said, "I like the Pyro. He's fun!"

In came Rarity and she said, "And the Spy is absolutely fabulous. I cannot let someone that fancy go to waste.

Rainbow Dash, still jittery, said, "And baseball boy over here has taught me the value of BONK!"

Applejack finally stepped in and said, "And robo-boy there has taught me how to make my own lamp." as she held up the functioning light source.

Celestia was surprised at their appreciation for the 6 classes. She then lowered the cannon and said, "I am sorry. I had no idea how much these 6 meant to you 6. Also, about the bananas thing, I just kept hearing one of the guards talk about it. Anyways, what to do?" Celestia saw Heavy petting Fluttershy in appreciation, and said, "Alright, I will let you all stay on Earth on one condition: You will take each of these 6 to learn from you for one year. Once the year is up, I shall bring you 12 back to figure out what you learned. If they learned well, you 6 will not be sent to the moon, and returned to your business as usual. Do we have a deal?"

As Spy was about to rebuddle, Heavy blocked his mouth and said, "Deal!"

Celestia smiled happily and said, "Alright, now I will send you back to each of your living spaces, with your new companions." Then she fired a wide beam of energy at all of them, and they were sent back to Red Central. "It is good day to be home!" exclaimed Heavy.

"It was a long day. I must now rest." said Spy.

"I could use a nap, too." said Rarity, following the Spy.

"Mmmphmmf?" asked Pyro to Pinkie.

"Okay!" she replied, and the 2 went skipping into the dining hall.

Rainbow Dash was tired after all the BONK! she drank. "Hey, what's this on the label?" asked Scout, examining an empty can of BONK! "Warning: Don't consume more than 2 cans, unless you're me, Saxton Hale. Enjoy!"

Rainbow Dash said, "Now you tell me…" and she fell onto the floor, Scout pushing her to the nearest couch, him crashing, too.

"Hows-about I show you my tool shed, Apple? You're gonna need to know more about tools and what their purpose for building is." said the Engi.

"Can-do!" replied Applejack, and the two went to the workshop.

Sniper then said to Twilight, "Wanna take a gander at mah greatest achievements in Snoipin?"

"Sure!" replied Twilight as the two walked to Sniper's room.

"Maybe I can even teach you how to snoipe." said Sniper.

Heavy walked over to the nearest armchair, and Fluttershy gently flew onto his lap and lay down. "Is good to be home, but why does Heavy feel he forgot something? Ah well, I remember later... maybe."

* * *

**Meanwhile**

"YOU FAILED!" The Announcer's voice spread across Lakeside as Red lost the control point and the match. "Those traitors are going to take more than a rocket to their ass when I'm through with them!" shouted the Red Soldier as the Medic and Demoman were tossed into the lake by the Blu team.


End file.
